Jen's Journal

To get away. In the four years I was away only my sister made the four-hour trip to my school. I thought I would get emotional when the time came to say goodbye, but honestly, I was relieved. I always joked that the only reason I was at Western was because I did not know how to publish a book on my own.

The truth is, they do not teach you how to publish anything as an undergraduate. So why did I spend four years in the middle of nowhere to get an English degree?

 Well, I needed to get away in order to have a real college experience. The first year was the hardest, not because of the workload but because of how lonely I was. I made the mistake of getting into a relationship right away and it put a halt on all friendships I could have had. It was still better than being home though. It gave me time to write, and I am proud to say I got a few good poems and stories out of that year.

Sophomore year brought many panic attacks and second thoughts. I contemplated dropping out more than I’d like to admit. It was a year full of hot boxing and finding a signature drink. It was a year filled with late night conversations with best friends.

It was a year without judgement and expectations, and even though I considered leaving every day, I stayed because for the first time in my life, I did some self-reflection. That is probably what caused most of the panic attacks, but I think it was necessary.

 I started thinking a lot about abandonment. About how it happened to me and from me. I abandoned my friends and family because my parents abandoned me. I started thinking, if the two people who should always be there for their children just leave or die, then what is stopping me from leaving my family behind to start a new life? That is not what my intention was, but I think it is something I needed.

Maybe my degree has not paid off yet and it will take years before I get to where I want to be, but I had the best experiences of my life in college. I became my own person with my own thoughts and opinions, outside of what my family taught me. I guess I am writing this today for anyone contemplating college, especially in these uncertain times.

If campuses start to open and you can start over and you want to (or need to) then going away to college will do you good. Although I cannot speak for everyone. There is still the matter of maintaining a grade point average in order to stay, but if you are up for the challenge then I suggest you go for it!