Jen's Journal

It’s the idea we cling to, not the boy! One of my favorite Toni Morrison quotes is from her novel, The Bluest Eye. The quote is about how romantic love and physical beauty are, “probably the most destructive ideas in the history of thought. Both originated in envy, thrived in insecurity, and ended in disillusion.”

 I think by now we all know the harm media does by creating an illusion of what love should be. No matter how harmful it seems to be, we chase it until it turns into something no one warned us about, only to find ourselves disappointed and confused.

If we know this going in, even the first time, then why do we still fall for it? Is it because we’re afraid to be alone? Is it the experiences we seek? Maybe it’s both. All those songs and stories about heartbreak must come from somewhere, right? Reading about it is not enough, is it?

 Even if you know this boy will break your heart you still look forward to the first kiss, the first sleepover, the first time. Even if he makes you cry every day and you know he will never love you the way you love him, even then you give yourself away.

Warnings never really do much either. My first college roommate was dating someone at the time that she loved to love. One night she came home drunk with tears streaming down her face. She was crying because of him, and she told me that I should never give to much of myself to anyone. I did anyway.

 I did so because that is the only way I know how to love. This can be an amazing thing if you find the right person, but if the relationship in your head is better than the real one, there’s a problem.

I wish there could be more books about realistic relationships and how romantic love can and most likely will end in disillusion. I wish I listened back then, and I hope you’ll take something from this now. If you are with someone, it should be because they make you a better person and love you unconditionally, not because you’re scared of being alone.