Jen's Journal

You know that boy you have a crush on? You will not remember his name years from now. Remember that fourth-grade teacher that yelled at you because you said the word Damn out loud? You will let this go, and you will have many more embarrassing stories that will overshadow this one.

Right now, you are probably getting off the bus and walking the one block back home. You will pick at your food, drink your soda, go into your room for a nap, wake up to do homework, shower, and sleep. The routine of this is so mundane that your body picks itself up in the morning and takes you to where you need to be, even if your mind is somewhere else.

I am writing this to let you know that this will all make sense one day. All the daydreams you have and the fact that you are never present in any situation, even if it may seem happy. There is not something wrong with you, and you will find ways to focus on being present.

I know you are scared right now of every authority in your life. You should know this will dramatically decrease in your college years. There will be more freedom than you know what to do with, but this only means you are the only person responsible for you.

If you’re wondering why every time a guy gets close enough, you shut them out, it’s because you are not ready yet. When you are ready, you will know. If there’s any advice I could offer about it is to take things slow because rushing into things is not smart in the state of mind you’re in right now.

That brings me to one other thing, your father. Right now, the ache in your chest feels like more than you can handle. It seems like something you will never recover from. But I promise you will. You still miss him every single day, but at least now you can talk about him without breaking down. So even though this grief is consuming every part of you, you must remember to breathe, take care of yourself, and take it one day at a time.

In the next five years, you will fall in love, fall out of love, and then fall in love again. You will travel to places you have always dreamed of. You will also make mistakes, many of them, but you will learn from them. You will rescue a kitty from the streets where your mother was born.

This will teach you to care for things other than yourself. Don’t worry, your teenage years can be about finding yourself, and so can your twenties. But please remember that the world does not revolve around you. Remember to help people in any way you can, because you will not be able to get through this alone.