Jen's Journal

Jane is startled by the loud buzz that lets her know the laundry is done. She folds the laundry precariously, careful not to wrinkle Nick’s work pants. The last time she did he yelled at her for three minutes and forty-two seconds. She always keeps track of how long he yells. It’s the only thing she can do to keep from crying.

One of Nick’s socks falls onto the hardwood floor and she scoops it up, looking over her shoulder to see if he noticed. But he’s nowhere near the room. His eyes are glued to the television.

“Jane! Is dinner ready yet?” He shouts without looking up from the football game.

Shit, Jane curses to herself. She was so busy doing laundry she completely forgot about dinner. But he’s waiting for an answer, so she lies, “Almost ready Nick.”

She rushes to get the clean laundry into the small walk-in closet and then heads over to the kitchen. She pulls out one of the Costco pre-made meals and gets started on dinner. By the time she’s done Nick walks over to the kitchen island and sets his beer down on the granite countertop. They eat dinner in silence, as they do nearly every night.

After dinner, Jane sets the dishes aside and goes upstairs to work on her music. She’s got a keyboard and a recorder, and every night after dinner she comes up here until it’s time for bed.

At the end of the day, she takes her clothes off in the bathroom and turns on the shower to the hottest setting. She looks at the bags under her eyes in the full-length mirror, her growing muffin top, her thin, unkempt hair, and she sighs.

*****

Adeline wakes up with the sunlight coming into her room. She sets her feet down on the hardwood floor and wiggles her toes in the coolness of the floor. She walks into the kitchen and sets her mug onto the granite top island. She starts off her day with a big breakfast: bacon, eggs, toast, even some spinach.

Her cat comes into the room just then, yawning and stretching, looking for something to eat. Adeline fills up her bowl with kibble and proceeds to finish her breakfast. Afterward, she goes for a run around Cheeseman park. Months ago she would never be up to running in front of strangers, but after the breakup, she learned that being alone is not the same thing as being lonely.

She looks into the full-length mirror after her run. Her skin glistens with sweat as she unties her long hair. She still has work to do, but at least there are no bags under her eyes and there is no more puffiness present from crying. Those nights are long behind her, and although she spends many nights alone, at least she is not in bad company.

*****

Tonight marks the second anniversary of Jane and Nick. He said he had something special planned, so she took great care to get ready for the night. Starting with a soak in the tub, a face mask, manicure. Then she curls her thin hair and applies a generous amount of makeup. She decides to wear the black cocktail dress she’s been saving for a special occasion.

The reflection staring back at her is captivating. Her hair shines in the bright bathroom light and her makeup hides the flaws underneath. She walks over to the living room where Nick sits staring at the screen.

He stares at her and looks confused, “where the hell are you headed?”

“You said you had a surprise for us tonight? For our anniversary?”

“Yea, about that, I meant a surprise in the bedroom. You know I can’t afford to go out right now.”

Jane swallows her disappointment and forces a smile through her teeth. She turns around to take this outfit off when Nick grabs her wrist and throws her on the couch. He takes the dress off her with such haste that it makes her nauseous.

When it is over she grabs a cigarette from his jacket and climbs over to the rooftop from the second-story window. From here she can see the sun setting over the city. As the red and orange hues turn to blue and purple, she wonders what keeps her here. Is it the fear of being alone? Or is it starting over she fears? Maybe it is just telling Nick, given his violent nature. She stubs out her cigarette when she’s done, fixes her dress, and crawls back inside to have the most difficult conversation she will ever have.

*****

Adeline drops her bag on the floor and falls face-first into the couch. After the hike she just came from, her feet are sore and her muscles ache. Her cat comes up to her just then and snuggles under her arm. She digs her paws into the couch and purrs under her touch. Adeline smiles and lets herself fall asleep.

When she wakes up Jojo is gone and the sun has set. Adeline walks upstairs and crawls onto the rooftop. She takes in the fresh air and all the sounds of the city. Even when it feels like she’s alone, she’s not. All around her life is happening. People are breaking up, making up, or just trying to make it.

She goes back inside and decides to explore the neighborhood. She wears her favorite sundress and boots, applying only a little bit of makeup. She throws on her black cardigan and makes her way up to Broadway where people her age are walking by. The street is filled with people walking dancing, drinking.

A small pub catches her attention. She walks in and takes a seat by the bar. The bartender asks what she would like to drink, and Adeline says, “I’ll take a Guinness please.”

“Good choice. You from around here?”

“Just moved into this neighborhood. You?”

“I used to live around here, now I just work here.”

Their conversation settles into comfortable small talk, and Adeline becomes more and more curious with this young girl. Her hair is short, up to her cheeks. She wears a tank top and shorts, and her arms are covered in tattoos. Adeline remembered suddenly how much her ex hated tattoos, and how she promised herself to get one as soon as things ended.

After hours of conversation, Adeline asks, “what’s your name by the way?”

“Jane. And yours.”

“Adeline. Nice to meet you, Jane.”