Jen's Journal

When I think back on where it all went wrong, it was after this dream. If you’re looking for a love story, this is not it. If you’re looking for answers and explanations, I’m sorry to disappoint. I don’t know much, but I know that I owe it to Diana to tell her story. So here it goes.

Diana woke up sweating and shaking from the dream. It was all so vivid, so personal that tears came to her eyes before she could comprehend what she dreamt. Her body hurt all over and she felt around for any wounds. When she found nothing she felt relieved. It was just a dream, she thought to herself. She thought about calling her father but it was three in the morning. She settled on calling him first thing in the morning. 

It was seven when Diana finally picked up her cell and called her father. As much as she tried she could not go back to sleep after that horrible nightmare. It was strange, it was as if she experienced his death rather than just witnessed it. She held her breath while the phone was ringing, and ringing, and ringing. No answer. She tried again, and then two more times before she finally settled for leaving a message. There’s no need to worry, she thought to herself. It is only eight o’clock in Mexico so he may just be sleeping. Many more explanations went through her mind but still, it did nothing to put her mind at ease. 

She figured standing around won’t give her any answers so she figured making tea would help calm her nerves. She was still deep in thought when the kettle whistled, slowly at first then louder and louder. Once the water was cool enough and the chamomile tea was steeped, Diana took a few sips. With both her hands wrapped around the mug and the steam coming up to her nose, she immediately felt better. 

It was Christmas eve which is the day her family celebrates with a nativity scene. She couldn’t show up feeling like this in front of her family, they would notice something was off immediately. The only thing that truly calmed her in situations like this was getting it all down on paper, or keyboard, whichever was closer. Taking her mug with her she made her way back to her bedroom and opened up her journal to the next available page. She wrote everything she could remember, down to the very last detail. It wasn’t until she set her pen down to undo the cramp forming on her right hand that she noticed she wrote her dream in the first person as if her own father was writing this from his perspective. It was bizarre but the second she finished writing she felt significantly better, so she let this minor detail go. 

By the time Diana was done journaling most of her family was up and about. Her grandmother was busy in the kitchen, her grandfather was locked in his room in morning prayer and her cousin was walking through the door with candy and ziplock bags for the party. Diana plopped down on the couch along with Jade and they started placing candy in the bags while listening to Christmas music. Their grandmother danced along to the catchy tunes as she prepared the main meal for tonight; green and red tamales. 

When the candy bags were full Jade and Diana walked over to the kitchen to help out their grandmother. They were in charge of filling tamale leaves with masa while her grandma cooked the meat and chili. As she cooked, grandma took sips of beer and danced to the jingles still playing. The more she drank, the more she took breaks to dance and fool around. It was a nice, distracting morning and pretty soon Diana forgot all about the dream. Her aunt Jessie came in around noon with all the sides for tonight’s dinner: rice, chicken salad, nachos for the kids, and a jar of homemade chili. When the tamales were all filled with meat and masa, they threw them into the large pot and let it cook for the next few hours. While they cooked, Jade and Diana scrubbed every corner of the house. With the house clean, the food cooking, and the nativity scene set up, there was nothing to do but wait. 

Jade used this opportunity to pull Diana aside so that they could light up. Diana lit the incense in her room while Jade got her weed baggie out which contained a small blue piece, a silver grinder, and a purple lighter. She filled the blue bowl with weed and passed it to Diana to take the first hit. She lit it, sucked in, and breathed it out a few seconds later. Thanks to Jade’s new boyfriend, who is a 21-year-old college bum, they were able to do this more often than before. 

“How’s it going with you and Nathan?” Diana asked, passing the bowl and lighter back to Jade. 

“Really good, he buys me flowers at least once a week and takes me out to fun dates. Last time he took me to the botanical gardens and we had a picnic there!” Jade answered after taking a puff herself. 

“That’s awesome! Sure beats that other guy you were dating, what was his name again?” 

“Jamie. Not my best moment if I’ll be honest. If it wasn’t for him though we could not be smoking weed right now. He was good for one thing I guess.”

“Agreed. Have you seen him since the breakup?” Diana asks. 

“No, and I’m relieved honestly. I get a panic attack just seeing guys in the street who look like him.” 

“Well, here’s to a merry Christmas and a new year without shitty people around,” Diana says, opening up two White Claws and raising one up to cheers with her cousin. 

For the rest of the afternoon, Jade and Diana took turns lighting the bowl and sipping on White Claws. In between they managed to watch a few episodes of friends and take a nap. Their grandmother knocked on the door to warn them that people were starting to arrive. The girls got up quickly and changed into their Christmas outfits. They smoked nearly every day so after the nap, they were both pretty much sober.

Diana was wearing a simple forest green strapless dress that came down to her knees. Her long dark hair was curled and fluffed for volume. Jade was wearing a purple button-up blouse and black pants. Her short hair straightened and she used a few products to make it look shiny.  They both did their makeup accordingly and walked out to greet friends and family. There was no official family dinner time, people ate as they came in and stood up after to make room for incoming people to sit. Diana’s stomach growled as she smelled the food and she almost squealed when she noticed the tamales were ready. Jade and Diana filled their plates with as much food as they could carry and sat down on the kitchen island. They both devoured their food and went back for seconds.

They finished just when it was time for their family to start their prayers for the nativity scene. Diana couldn’t muster the strength to sit through an hour of prayers so she snuck Jade away and opened up a six-pack of beer. It was still difficult to get the beer down but she figured it was worth it to get tipsy. Halfway through the six-pack, Diana’s other cousins snuck into the room with alcohol of their own. By now they could hear their parents chanting prayers loudly so they knew they were safe in the room for a while. 

Diana continued to drink throughout the night and found herself laughing and having fun with her family. At some point, she lost count of the number of drinks she had but shrugged it off and opened up a new one. When Jade placed a towel on the door still Diana immediately lit the incense. Jade decided a joint would be a better option for everyone in the room so she grabbed her rolling paper while her cousins continued to chat and drink. Once it was done, Diana tossed the lighter to Jade and she started the joint. Diana was getting to a point where she wasn’t sure if the alcohol was affecting her more than the weed, or vice-versa. Her head was foggy though and she ended up falling asleep while her family’s celebration continued.