Jen's Journal

Everyone’s greatest sin.

When I think of pride I don’t think of parades and rainbows and glitter. I think long nights where neither one of us is speaking. Where both of us think we are right, but neither one of us are.

Nights where I want to apologize but not before he does. Nights where I miss him and I want to hold his hand but I really don’t want to reach out first.

I’m not sure where this comes from, maybe because admitting you’re wrong can be seen as a weakness. Maybe because it is one of the hardest things to admit to yourself. But I mostly hope it’s a stage.

I heard someone say once that it’s a common stage people get stuck in in a relationship. The stage where your pride means more to you than the person you love. Realizing this and getting out of this stage might be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. Because that’s when you can get into the next stage.

Unconditional love.

A love that isn’t based on keeping score, on winning or losing, on right and wrong. Simply a love with compromise and partnership. I think sometimes we get there, and then we go back. We go back to our childish ways because it’s easy, because it’s what we know how to do.

Letting go of this is not always easy, that is why you have to find the person worth going through all of this with.