Jen's Journal

Shortly after New Year’s, Henry suggested they try Hawaiian baby wood rose seeds, also known as LSA. “They make you trip like acid, but without the crazy visuals,” he explained with a mischievous glint in his eye. He convinced Aidan and Diana to join him, assuring them it would be an unforgettable experience. Diana hesitated; she had heard that this drug caused nausea, and nothing terrified her more than vomiting.

Despite her fears, Diana decided to give it a try. They woke early on Saturday and enjoyed a healthy breakfast. Henry  suggested they grind the seeds into a fine powder and then “paper shoot” them down their throats. The smell was horrid, and the taste even worse, but Diana braved the tissue-wrapped grains, swallowing them with a grimace. She chased it with a glass of orange juice, though it barely masked the rancid taste lingering on her tongue.

Dressed in cozy attire, ready for a day of introspection, they built a whimsical fort in Kate’s old room. She had dropped out last semester, leaving the space empty  for their imaginations. Once they consumed the seeds, they retreated into the fort, sinking into a sea of blankets and pillows. The atmosphere was serene, perfect for the trip Diana envisioned. They let the music wash over them, waiting for the seeds to take hold. Diana felt it first in her chest,  an unsettling wave that crept into her stomach. It churned unpleasantly before rising to her throat.

Barely making it to the toilet, she retched violently, expelling her entire breakfast and more. Yet, as the nausea subsided, a strange clarity emerged. Her thoughts felt meticulously organized, her senses sharpened. She leaned back into the pillows, watching the speaker lights morph from yellow to orange, red to blue, and back again. The colors danced, captivating her altered mind.

Hours passed in silent unity, their breaths synchronizing as they navigated the ebb and flow of anxiety. Suddenly, Diana remembered something Professor John had mentioned in class.

“Henry, sit up for a second.”

“Okay,” he responded, curiosity piqued.

“Professor John told us that he and his partner sometimes take a moment to feel each other’s heartbeats. He said it’s worth trying with a friend or loved one. Wanna try?”

“Yes, actually, that sounds perfect right now.”

She took his hand, guiding it to her heart, then placed her hand on his. Normally, she would have shied away from such intimacy, but the seeds filled her with a newfound courage. She locked eyes with his light brown ones, feeling his heart race beneath her touch. It was a moment of pure connection, one she knew would be embedded in her memory forever. She wondered if his accelerated heartbeat mirrored her own feelings or if it was just the shared anxiety of the trip.

As thoughts of her feelings for Henry swirled, she let go of his hand. He had always been a comforting presence, but just as a friend. She battled these emotions for months, unsure if she even wanted more than friendship. 

Diana curled up in a fetal position, another wave of nausea hitting her. She stayed still, fearing any movement would trigger another bout of vomiting.

Henry did something unexpected then. He placed his head on Diana’s waist, holding onto her gently. He breathed deeply, almost savoring the contact. Diana lay there, once again wondering if he shared her feelings or simply saw her as a friend. She wondered if she’ll ever be brave enough to ask.