Jen's Journal

We celebrated Robert’s 25th birthday today. The entire day I told myself that it was too soon to be celebrating birthdays. But there was something about him. He made me laugh teeth out and snorting laughs. He listened when I talked about my family. He made my days a little brighter. It just felt right. 

I made his favorite meal for breakfast, eggs with chorizo. He kept saying he didn’t want a big fuss for his birthday, but the huge smile on his face said otherwise. After breakfast he gave me a kiss that made me dizzy in the best way. It was getting harder and harder everyday to wait to sleep together. I’ve been with others before, but no one I’ve cared this much for.  We made out until we were interrupted by a loud knock on his door. He sighed into our kiss and pulled away slowly, dramatically pouting. 

He put on a shirt and walked the few steps in his apartment from the bedroom to the door. “Happy birthday man!” His friend Chris walked in with a case of beer, at 10 in the morning. 

“Thanks Chris,” Robert said, giving him a bug hug, “you’re crazy if you think I’m drinking this early by the way.” 

“Oh come on! It’s your quarter century birthday, we gotta celebrate it big!”

“I don’t have to do anything,” Robert makes himself comfortable on the couch, placing his hands behind his head and smirking up at Chris. 

“Okay fine, we don’t have to go all out, but would you at least be down to have a few people over later? Nothing crazy, just close friends and beer.” Chris is all but pleading now and I chuckle at their interaction. He looks over at me as if just now noticing I’ve been there the whole time. 

“Lily, please help me convince our boy!” 

“It’s Linda,” Robert says as if he just offended him and not me. 

“Shit sorry, I’m terrible with names.” 

“It’s okay. And that sounds fun, where were you planning on having people over?” I ask, pretending like that didn’t bother me.

“Here,” he says in a matter of fact tone, as if I just asked the dumbest question ever.

“What do you think Linda?” Robert asks. There’s a small part of me that leaps with joy that he wants my opinion on how to spend his birthday. 

“I think it could be fun, but we definitely have to clean the apartment before then.” I say, looking around the clothes lying around in bunches all over and the pile of dishes growing in the sink. 

“Well, better get to it.” Chris says, taking a seat next to Robert and placing his sweaty feet on the coffee table.

My hands subconsciously form into fists but I fake a smile and start picking up the dirty clothes all over. Is it too soon to start yelling? We haven’t had an argument yet and I really don’t want to start a fight on his birthday. Starting a fight with Chris would also make me look crazy. Today is not the day. 

I throw some music on as I usually do when I’m doing chores while Chris and Robert sit and watch the news on TV. They hardly pay attention to me and move their heads to see around me as I vacuum the living room. It takes every bone in my body not to smack both of them on the head and demand they help. By the time I’m done I‘m damp and out of breath. The bathroom alone took me about an hour to get through. I don’t tell them I’m done, I just hop in his shower and wash off the sweat and chemicals from my pores. 

Before I knew it people were coming into his small apartment. Some that I met before and some faces that were new. Robert introduced me to everyone, not letting me leave his side all night. I couldn’t tell if he was happy I was there with him or if he just wanted to parade me around as the new girl. We hadn’t really discussed past relationships but I know from Chris’s offhand remarks that he’s been with a few women. 

By the time everyone is here I excuse myself and lock myself in the bathroom. Large crowds make me anxious. I can’t admit this to Robert yet. He is too happy, too full of life to bother him with my anxiety. I take a few minutes to steady my breathing and slowly unlock the door and make myself go out there again. 

“Is everything okay? Robert asks when I’m back by his side. 

“Yeah, just girl things.” I learned quickly this is one of the only phrases that doesn’t prompt more questions. 

He smiles and gives me a wet kiss on the cheek, then places his arm around me once again. I can tell he’s drunk when his arm falls so heavy it feels like I’m carrying a tree branch on my shoulders. By the time the cake comes out he is so drunk he can barely stand. His friends help get him on a stool so he can face his audience. The ice cream cake sits on the counter that separates us from everyone else. He still refuses to let me out of his sight. The drunker he gets the less this seems sweet and starts to turn clingy. 

I sing along with everyone and hope he can get through this without falling asleep on his cake. He doesn’t. He waits until everyone’s gone to plop onto his bed. I take his shoes off for him and fill a cup with water to place on his nightstand. As I’m putting on my jean jacket Chris startles me.

“You’re leaving?” he says as his eyes slither up and down my figure. 

“Yea, I have an early day tomorrow, it is a weekday,” I reminded him. 

“Come on, stay. I should get to know my buddy’s girl a bit more, doncha think?” He said slurring his words

“I’m good.” with that I pull the door open and speed out of there before he can react. 

I know It’s still early on, and I shouldn’t judge people before getting to know them, but I really don’t like Chris. He gives me the creeps. Anyway I’ve been writing so long that Carmen is yelling at me to turn off the light.

Till next time.