Jen's Journal

“I think that I should try to kill my Ego.” -Halsey

26 is realizing you have more in common with a plant than you think. It’s constantly reminding yourself that you need water, sunlight, and nourishment. But you drink and eat things that are bad for you anyway because, why not? It’s learning how to trick people into thinking you’re okay by asking questions about them so they don’t look too closely and see that your smile hasn’t reached your eyes for a long time. 

26 is coming to terms with your mind and accepting that this restlessness stems from the fact that you haven’t laid your soul down for a long time, because the last time you did you lost the most important man in your life. It’s also admitting that you’re lying to yourself because no one has the power to write the future just like no one has the power to make you whole again. 

You want to believe that if you get everything you’ve ever wanted you won’t feel like this anymore. You won’t feel this constant brink of tears even though you should feel lucky for everything you have. But then you look at those around you and understand that your 20s are meant for being selfish. Any age where there is not a child to think about is an age for you. For figuring things out and being okay with constantly being wrong about what you have always known to be true. And you hope by the time you start a family, you’ve figured it out or at least become an expert at pretending.