Jen's Journal

Recently I noticed certain things about the expectations that come with being Latina. First, I am only 22 years old and my mother keeps asking when I’m going to start having kids.

Apart from kids, both my mother and grandmother wonder why my boyfriend and I split the rent. All the women in my family have an understanding that men pay the rent because they bring in the most income. This is something I never really thought about until my mother brought it up to me.

Here’s how it is harmful to the relationships women look for: they start saying things like, “what can this man offer me?” or “how is he going to support me?” To be clear, it is not marriage they refer to because most females in my family have children with men they are not officially married to.

My cousin recently got out of a two-year relationship because his girlfriend admitted that she wants more from him. She wants him to have a career and bring in enough income to support her and her son.

I hear conversations like this way too often to just ignore. This is a very old, very traditional way of thinking that I hope changes one day.

It starts with teaching women at a young age that getting into a relationship should not be about money; it should be about having a good time with someone and having things in common with them.

It should be about making the other person happy instead of what they can give you. I think it’s important to start teaching girls all over that they should take care of themselves, that they should look for jobs they can support themselves with.

This way, it can be easier for them to look for only love and happiness in relationships, not wealth.

I understand this is something difficult for women to overlook sometimes and that money is a big factor in choosing someone to be with, but at the same time, Latina families are big for a reason.

I can’t count how many times we lived with one another because the rent was too much to manage alone. And if there’s someone in your family who can babysit, it saves a lot of money and helps mothers be able to work to support their children.

My point is no one should ever rely on a guy for financial support. My mom did so, and she followed him to Mexico when he was deported. Now, she’s still in Mexico and he’s back in America and she regrets ever letting him into her life.

This mindset affects both men and women alike. I hope this changes someday and that people can be valued for who they are, not what they can give you.